My First BLAH'G! I’d like to start off slooooowly. Setting the bar low and delivering high is how I prefer to operate. For now, let’s start with the short tale and a few pictures of my super-cute new roadie, Kirby. Of course, behind every little yellow pig, is a story. One that usually begins with children, as this one does.
I live in the D.C. area with my best friend in the whole world, her mother (a.k.a. Queen of Everything, a.k.a. BEST Cook in the Known Universe), and her two fantastic little chicas, whom we shall respectively call Sasha and Leigha--currently eight and five going on... “Occasionally I’d like you to SHUT THE F*#% UP!” Don’t get me wrong, I love and adore them. I get to be Auntie Kendra; and, as I have absolutely no intention of ever having kids of my own, they are the closest thing I’ll get to contributing to The Great Circle of Therapy. They’re brilliant. Sometimes too brilliant. And when they’re laying on the sweetness, you’d better have an extra shot of insulin around...just to be safe! This Kirby story is one of those times.
I had just moved into the house and I guess the girls were getting used to having me around. I’m sure it’s nifty to have the new girl read you the bedtime story of which Mom and Nana have long-since grown bored. Not to mention, it’s much easier to get the new girl to play with your dolls loooong past your bedtime when said new-girl has NO idea what bedtime is, and has long forgotten how necessary it is to have a set time for sleep. A jungle gym at 5’7”--I am the tallest person in the house. I’m sure they’re both part cat or mountain goat, as they love to climb all over me. I don't mind it, actually. I had a needy boyfriend once, and this is much less annoying. It borders on whimsy and frivolity, which I'm growing to appreciate more and more.
I was packing to take my first Comedy road-trip when two little ones came bounding through my bedroom door at speeds reserved for bullets and other things with urgent natures that tend to startle me.
“Where are you going?” said the wee-est ankle-biter.
“I’m going on the road for a week. I’ll be back next Sunday,” I replied.
“A WHOOOOLE WEEEEK?!” said the elder-biter.
“Yes,” I said with a grin that only another non-parent comic would’ve detected as relief.
“Wait! I’ve got something to give you before you go...” The oldest girl ran off for just a moment and returned just as bullet-fast as before. She held up one hand, and in it was...A little yellow pig.
She said, “So you have something to remember us with while you’re gone! So you’ll remember us and come back.”
Now, I’m a decent writer. I have a long memory and a knack for winning at Scrabble. But in my wildest imagination, I could not have made that shit up. Even if you gave me a $10,000 retainer (which no one has) on the promise that I would write something so dripping with cuteness, so break-your-heart adorable, that it would exponentially grow that retainer into a Million Dollar Fortune, I would’ve given it my best shot and fallen way short of what she actually said. Cliche as it may sound, Kids really do say the darndest things!
I bit back any gushy internal reaction I may have had, stuffed my ovaries back into the high heels I wear as frequently as the idea of motherhood, smiled, and said, “That’s so sweet. Thank you! I will take pictures with him while I’m on the road.” Immediately, they LOVED this idea; and immediately after that were sent to bed. It was late...and guess who hadn’t noticed.
So here are a few pictures from my first road trip with Kirby. He's such a little ham!
Kirby says Goodbye to our House! Next stop...RockyTop Playhouse with some good friends in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee!
Mellow Mushroom and Starbucks? Don't mind if we do! But can you make that Mellowterranean with Tempeh? Kirby and I are vegetarian.
This guy hadn't smiled in a while...but Kirby is a comic genius and made it happen!
To Grandmother's house we go...very briefly! Cheap gas, Grammie's water glasses and Kirby says, "See you soon, Grammie!"
Kirby insists that he has cousins in this field in Kentucky...
I don't see them, Kirby...
Of course not, Kendra! They're the tiniest ones of our swine!
Next stop: Prestonsburg, KY! The before and after of the most common mis-spelling of my name. At least they fixed it! :)
And Kirby is a big fan of painted baby Jesus. He insisted upon the photo-op!
Thanks for reading the first installment of The Adventures of Kendra and Kirby! More to come...